very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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