i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't deserve a penis
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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