I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
