I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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