i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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