Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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