he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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