I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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