i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
