ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
false alarm. still invincible.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize