oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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