So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
