ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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