youre lurking in front of me
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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