If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
