wrigley field is MILF paradise
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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