Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
