I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
pray to the hookup gods
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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