Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
