she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize