Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize