but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm bleeding and have questions
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
