i would punch a child for taco bell
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
please come you make the beer taste better
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
