I think my vagina is haunted
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
