Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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