but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
