If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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