I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
