Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
