So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
