you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
