is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
