So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
