4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
