HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
