drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
