I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I did not marry a roomba.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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