cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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