There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
