I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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