Well douche your snatch and let's go!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
