nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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