i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
