okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
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