Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
