I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
