I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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