Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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