Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
