Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
