You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
