First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize