hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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