Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
