My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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