Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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