It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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