Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
