I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
