So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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