Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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