I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I need moral support for this bender
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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