I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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