as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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