I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
