Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
