Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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