I heard we made out
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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