ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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