u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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