Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize