you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
sex in a hospital.. check
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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