Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
