Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
