just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think I just sharted jello shots
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
