sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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